Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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