you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
