well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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