Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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