You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
