Plan B is the new Plan A
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
