mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
