so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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