you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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