How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize