Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
