I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
