i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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