Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
