To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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