Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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