Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
