i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize