from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dicks are not precious.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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