member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
