lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
