i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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