i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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