This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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