Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Houston, we have a blender
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
