Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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