Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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