i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
