somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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