i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
