I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
