my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
