"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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