saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
