My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
