Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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