I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
