My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
