What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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