dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
