Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
