Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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