Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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