Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.