Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.