went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.