Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
