his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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