I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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