can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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