***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
