i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
