First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize