True but thats because hes a fetus.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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