the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
