i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
