so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
