I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
