He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
