It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
