to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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