I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
