dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
