So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Life is so much better after having sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
COCAINE IS GR8
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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