Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize