Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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