I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
